I have to admit something. This may come as a shock to you. Brace yourself. This is heavy...I don't always like what I see in the mirror. Really, there are some days I hardly recognize myself. Don't get me wrong. I don't hate myself or think I'm hideous or anything like that. But I definitely could use improvement. Which is why I am always working on me.
And I'm not just talking about the exterior. Yeah, the age thing is going to happen. There's really no fighting that. Yesterday at the dermatologist's office I saw several people actively fighting it. That alone is not a pretty picture. And the hair...my hair has a different personality every day and I really only like 2 or 3 of them. So, I color. I straighten. I grow. I cut. I do what I have to do. Then there's the body...ugh. For the good majority of us, the older we get the rounder we get. And, our body parts are drawn closer and closer to the ground (thank you, gravity). In order to prevent this, we must cut out all the yummy junk food and exercise. Yippee...
But there's more to it. There's also stuff on the inside. There are those ideas of who I should be; where I should be; what I should have accomplished in my life 'by now'. There are the doubts about things I've done. And there are questions about things ahead. And so I work on these things as well. Keeping my focus where it should be, thinking on the right things, always being aware of the potential distractions. This is a constant battle for me.
But, I am reminded today as I look in the mirror at this aging, crazy-haired, overweight, self-doubting creature that God loves me right where I am. He knows every thought. He knows every hair. And He loves me. Sure, He wants me to keep striving for the better me. Only because He knows that will make me happy. But none of that will change a bit of what's in His heart for me. NOTHING ever will...
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Just relax...
I am a planner. I love to plan things because I'm good at it. I can make a list of everything that needs to be done and when and not miss a thing. Or so I thought. It seems no one is perfect.
Josh and Alyssa earned free tickets to Fiesta Texas from a reading program at their school during the year. It's an awesome program and it helps us out because, well, free tickets. So, I plan. I bought tickets for me, Rhett and Jason online. Even prepaid for parking so it would be taken care of. Spending money. Check. Swimsuits. Check. Sunscreen. Check. Cooler of drinks and snacks for the ride home. Check. I plan and we go. I love the excitement of taking the kids to these kinds of things. Every parent loves the joy in seeing our children happy and loving life. The drive is just long enough to build the anticipation. We park and walk straight up to the entrance. No need to stand in line, we already have tickets. I smile and hand the paper to the nice elderly woman who looks up at me, very apologetically and says, "I'm sorry, dear. These expired yesterday." I do believe I actually heard my bubble burst as the words hit me. What...? WHAT?! I turn around and walk away, leaving my family confused. But I was not confused. I looked at the ticket and she was right. I was mad at myself, embarassed. How had I missed it? I tried to disguise my disappointment in myself but it was obvious. Rhett headed straight for the ticket line. I remember saying something like, "We can't afford to buy 2 tickets full price. Nobody pays full price for tickets. We don't even have a Coke can." The lady in front of us finished her purchase and, just before she walked away and we stepped up, she turned and put something in Rhett's hand. A coupon for half off. She hadn't needed it so she passed it on to us. We actually ended up paying less for Alyssa and Josh than I had paid online for the other 3. And at that very moment, I felt it. Like a small child must feel when they are abruptly and lovingly corrected by a parent. God said to me, "Please relax. I've got this." It turned out to be one of my favorite days of the whole summer. Thank you, Lord, for reminding me that I am not running this show. When I fall short, and I will, You are there to catch me.
Josh and Alyssa earned free tickets to Fiesta Texas from a reading program at their school during the year. It's an awesome program and it helps us out because, well, free tickets. So, I plan. I bought tickets for me, Rhett and Jason online. Even prepaid for parking so it would be taken care of. Spending money. Check. Swimsuits. Check. Sunscreen. Check. Cooler of drinks and snacks for the ride home. Check. I plan and we go. I love the excitement of taking the kids to these kinds of things. Every parent loves the joy in seeing our children happy and loving life. The drive is just long enough to build the anticipation. We park and walk straight up to the entrance. No need to stand in line, we already have tickets. I smile and hand the paper to the nice elderly woman who looks up at me, very apologetically and says, "I'm sorry, dear. These expired yesterday." I do believe I actually heard my bubble burst as the words hit me. What...? WHAT?! I turn around and walk away, leaving my family confused. But I was not confused. I looked at the ticket and she was right. I was mad at myself, embarassed. How had I missed it? I tried to disguise my disappointment in myself but it was obvious. Rhett headed straight for the ticket line. I remember saying something like, "We can't afford to buy 2 tickets full price. Nobody pays full price for tickets. We don't even have a Coke can." The lady in front of us finished her purchase and, just before she walked away and we stepped up, she turned and put something in Rhett's hand. A coupon for half off. She hadn't needed it so she passed it on to us. We actually ended up paying less for Alyssa and Josh than I had paid online for the other 3. And at that very moment, I felt it. Like a small child must feel when they are abruptly and lovingly corrected by a parent. God said to me, "Please relax. I've got this." It turned out to be one of my favorite days of the whole summer. Thank you, Lord, for reminding me that I am not running this show. When I fall short, and I will, You are there to catch me.
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