I'm tired...I have a husband and 3 kids. So, the words 'I'm tired' frequently leave my mouth. During the school year we have a set schedule. Wake up time, breakfast time, school time, homework time, dinner time, bed time. During the summer it's a whole other story. Nothing is set. We wake up when we need to. We eat when we are hungry. We go to bed when we all collapse. The days are full of an attempt to have as much fun as possible without breaking the bank. So, yeah, I'm tired. But, as tiring as it may be cleaning up after a 5 year old, feeding a constantly-growing 8 year old, and answering every question of a 10 year old, I've realized that nothing, NOTHING, makes me more tired than trying to be something I'm not.
In my 36 years I realize I've wasted some quality time on this. Most of it is admiring someone else and trying to be 'like' them. A lot of it is fear of being rejected if I'm not what people expect or want me to be. But, you know what? It doesn't matter. If I'm not being true to myself, then I'm letting me down. And that's far more difficult to swallow then what anyone else will ever say to me. I know when I don't really want to do something, even if I'm asked. I know when someone else should be handling things, even if I'm not quite sure I want to take my hands off of it. I know when I need someone to help me because I'm in over my head. I also know when I'm good at something. I know when something ignites a passion in me. I know when I do something and it brings me such joy that I immediately want to do it again. I KNOW, deep down, who I am. And I know who I'm not. It's really just a matter of accepting that. And being who I am.
I will never be a famous singer, an actress, a model, a public speaker, an astronaut (that's what I always wanted to be as a child). Though I have great admiration for people who are successful in these things. But, I can bake a mean chocolate chip cookie. I can plan an event down to the last minute detail. When I walk into my living room and sit on my couch, I know all 3 kids will be in my lap in a matter of moments because they love to be there. I can play and laugh or keep secrets and shoulder burdens with those who call me friend. I can enjoy the life I have chosen with the man who has chosen me. And that is me. That is who I need to be. Nothing more, nothing less, nothing...different. God made me to be who I am. Exactly who I am. To fill this spot in this life that is mine.
You go girl! You make me proud to say that I am a STAY AT HOME MOM!!!!
ReplyDeleteAt what point do you think this became such an issue in our world? I love your message here because everybody deals with insecurity. And some are 80 and still haven't figured it out. Really, i think the only people who don't think they deal with insecurity deal with pride and cluelessness. Where is the middle ground? ;) People don't accept themselves, but are sometimes too accepting of others. And sometimes people seem to be just fine with their pompous attitude while sitting back and rejecting others. At what point did the loudmouth with the rude comments get the attention? When did we start listening to the jerk who's self-esteem is so low he has to make fun of everyone else just to feel better about himself? What a broken, broken world. Thank you for your honesty and your bravery in making a bold statement people who don't know you would scoff at: "I am who I am. Deal with it." May I aspire to be so bold. And you are my older sister, so it makes since that you got there first...right?! I love who you are!!!
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